Morning Routine?

I have experimented with morning routines often in the past. And therefore I know from experience that for me any action (or non-action) and thoughts I do in the morning can influence my day greatly. Furthermore I definitely am a morning person as in: My brain is most fresh in the morning. It feels most creative and productive. Also I do love the morning energy – the time between the formless darkness and the shapefulness of the bright day. It is actually a secret that maybe not many people know: Awaking is a very gentle and kind process. True awakening. Awakening is a lot about listening into space and silence. Is about watching thoughts and the world taking shape before and behind my eyes.

I am lucky to currently have a balcony, that allows me some privacy while at the same time lets me look over a meadow and into some far. There is nature around me. Unfortunately there is also  the (pretty quiet, I admit) background noise of a highway in the distance. I personally actually prefer absolute silence.

Hmm, back to the morning routine. I will try to experiment with it again.

Problems that I foresee though are: If I am scared and stressed by a problem I have been avoiding (as of right now my feelings of terror as they relate to work and the fear of losing it), I can see myself easily not doing and/or not profiting from such a morning routine. Like my thoughts would constantly be catastrophising and I might even come to associate the beautiful, pleasant energy of the morning on my sweet little balcony with this terror. And I really don’t want that to happen.

With any routine really – it is always not a one-dimensional straight forward approach that I can take … in the sense of: “Just do it, no matter what – this will be good for you.” This is simply not true – and I actually wonder if that is something that other people with BPD struggle with as well. There certainly never is one-dimensionality to emotions and to circumstances – and approaching emotions for someone with the “Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder” with a one blueprint only, can really have harmful effects.

What it really needs much more – a wide range of methods, that help dealing with emotions / problems and the WISDOM to know which one works best in which situation. I wonder if developing this kind of WISDOM is not actually one of the biggest parts of the healing process of someone afflicted with this horrible Emotional Instability (avoiding the mental illness label again 😉 ).


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