I really hope to get in touch and converse with others afflicted with BPD, so that we all can learn from each other and support each other in our healing processes.
I am still going through this really bad period. I am actually dealing with a sense of terror even, that I keep suppressed or disconnected. But from experience and instinct I know it is there, underneath. And that if I want to actually feel better again, I will have to pay the bill. I will have to feel and thereby release this enormous energy that is crushing my system at the moment.
A method that has helped me in the past quite often in such times to gain grounding and clarity is what I call “Talking with J”. J is my imaginary listener. And when I talk to him I basically take my ipod, set the timer on 15 minutes, and then start the recorder. And then I just speak to J – just as if I was venting and contemplating my emotions and worries with a real person. Somehow I need to feel that there is someone listening – that is why J is there.
What happens when I do this, is a trans-formative shift of my energy. I never know beforehand what exactly is going to happen – but to be honest I would even describe what happens there as therapeutic. This small incremental shifts I experience there, really feel real, lasting, new. It helps me deal with anxiety, pain of abandonment, confusion, helplessness, overwhelmment, and anger even (!). Anger is particularly interesting because to me it seems that anger is often a form confusion. And through speaking with J my anger becomes more focused and clear and thereby I feel more powerful, which does actually decrease at least the destructive impulses of anger.
Maybe I will transcribe for you one of these “Conversation with J”, so maybe you could get to sense the shift of energy there.
I have no idea if this method could have positive effects for others as well, but it might be worth a try for you. If you have any questions about this please feel free to ask!